Scary story 5.

Eli. A Christmas horror.

A lot of people know who Santa Claus is. That kindly gentleman in red who delivers presents to all the good kids on the night of Christmas Eve. Well it is known that he is not just the only being associated with Christmas. There is Krampus for example. Santa’s evil twin who resembles a huge, hairy monster with goat’s hooves, long and sharp horns, red eyes, sharp teeth, and a whip like tongue. He is known to punish kids who have been naughty. But what if I were to tell you that there is a being even worse than Krampus. A creature so scary and horrible, that you cannot believe that he is associated with Christmas. He is known only as… Eli

Eli is the evil son of Santa and is best described as a cross between Santa Claus and Krampus. He resembles an elderly, skinny man with a long grey beard. He is abnormally tall and thin with broken teeth, dead grey eyes, going bald, claw like fingernails and toe nails, and wearing what looks like rags made out of animal skins. He is somewhat similar to the Wendigo of Native American legend. They say that he is always followed or is the cause of bad wither weather. He could be seen stalking people in the fog, cause sudden storms, and would spy on you from the tops of trees or rooftops. Eli doesn’t walk. Instead he float from place to place. He often lets out a loud and eerie moan. If anyone hears this, it means that he is nearby. It is also said that if you feel a sudden gust of icy cold wind blow past you, it means that Eli had just flown past you.

Unlike Santa and Krampus, Eli doesn’t venture into towns or cities. He often stays in the woodlands, mountains, and other places that always has a cold and snowy climate. He is always active during the winter season and will go into hibernation during spring, summer, and autumn. But that doesn’t mean that he stays away from settlements. He would hang around villages and wait for some unfortunate person to venture out into the winter night. Like the Wendigo, Eli often mimics the voices of people and animals to lure his victims. The only way to prevent him from going after you is to leave him an offering of bread, buttermilk, cheese, and/or chocolate. But his favourite thing to eat is meat. Particularly the flesh of anyone or any animal that sadly happen to cross his path. Other ways of protecting yourself from Eli include images of his father, bright lights, and a strong Christmas Spirit. All of these will keep him away and you are left to enjoy the festive time in peace.

So you can see why Eli is rarely known and talked about during the holidays. He is something to fear and the stuff of folk tales and legends. Better left to be forgotten. But that does not mean that he is brought up now and then. So if you feel a sudden cold in the air… You better look behind you. Cause you might never know what is following you.

Film Review: Madman

Release date: January 15th 1982 (Delaware release). January 7 1983 (New York release). February 18th 1983 (Los Angeles release).

Story: There is an Urban legend about a farmer nicknamed Madman Marz who one night goes insane and kills his family with an axe while they were asleep. He was quickly found out after he apparently went for a drink immediately afterwards and he was hanged by a lynch mob. But when they return the next day... Mars's body is gone. They say that if you say his name out loud, he would hear it and come after you and would kill you either with an axe or by hanging you. This is a story that was told by a group of camp counsellors and they are told not to say his name louder than a whisper. But one of them ignores this and shouts it. Big mistake...

My thoughts: This is your standard slasher killer movie. Marz himself looks interesting. A deformed hulking madman with long white hair and beard, dead grey skin, and pointed nails on both of his hands and feet. There are some impressive kills in this as well. The only thing that I didn't like about this film is it's ending. If you are expecting a final showdown with Madman Marz, you will be sadly disappointed. Surprisingly this was going to be about another urban legend altogether. But they changed it when The Burning was released with a similar tale. So they made up their own legend altogether. Like I said apart from the ending, this is a great movie and I would recommend you getting the Blu-ray release by Arrow Video.

My score: Four stars.

Scary story 4.

The Haunted K.F.C.

Everyone knows what K.F.C is. That international chain of fast food restaurants that sells fried chicken and fries. Yes almost everyone has heard of it and had even eaten there. But there is one that nobody has ever heard of. Mainly due to the fact that it was quickly shut down months after it had opened. But the reason why it was closed remained a mystery until many years later… someone found out. And had posted it online for all the world to read.

It turns out that the land where the K.F.C was built on was haunted. For it was once a place where Satan worshipers would gather to worship and sacrifice people to their gods about six hundred years ago. And now and then they would summon demons and other supernatural monstrosities to do their bidding. This was made possible by a well that they say was a porthole to hell itself. But they were discovered and were put to death by the local lord and townsfolk. But the head Satanist yelled something about a curse for anyone who destroys their land and build on top of it before being set alight.

The town’s people never did build anything on that bit of land. Until years later that is. When the K.F.C was built. But by then the curse was long forgotten. And for the first few days… everything was ok. That is until the bad things started.

The first things to happen were that things begin to disappear. Ordinary things at first like pencils and phones. But then things started to get worse. Rats and crows begin to appear in the deep fryers, swarms of insects kept crawling inside under the doors, chairs and tables begin to move all by themselves when no one is around, and there were even reports of ghostly shadows being seen during the nightshift. But that was nothing compare to the horrors that was about to follow.

During the last week of the month. Repairmen were busy trying to lay out a new floor after a huge black gooey mould began to spread over the place. What they found was truly shocking. The K.F.C was built over a well that had a hideous green light. The same well that the Satanists were using to summon demons all those years ago. And with that there was an inhuman screaming. And the whole K.F.C was filled with a monstrous black smog. Everyone managed to escape the place but not before everything inside came alive and attacked them.

The K.F.C was closed a day after and the building was left to rot away. But now and then some people would go inside for a dare. As they do so, they see that everything is normal for a while. Then the bad things that happen all those years ago will start happening again. And this time whatever is causing all of it made sure that not one person leaves alive. This went on for many years until a large group of priests managed to exorcise the building and the demons went away. The well was filled in and the K.F.C was demolished. And in its place they built a Starbucks.

Everything returned to normal after that. But some people are still scared that the bad things would come back again someday. Many others tell them not to be so superstitious. And that there are other things to worry about. Like the fact that some things are going missing at the Starbucks.

Film Review: Hamilton Mattress

Release date: 2001.

Story: Getting bored with his down of luck life, Sludger the aardvark dreams of being rich, famous, and having a pair of fabulous trousers. One day he discovers that he has a hidden talent of drumming. This gets the attention of a caterpillar named Feldwick who is also a showbiz agent. Seeing this as a big opportunity for both of them, Feldwick takes Sludger to Beak city (a city of birds in the canopy of the nearby rainforest). There they seek out a place for Sludger to start his drumming career (under the stage name Hamilton Mattress. A name that is from a mattress making company in their world). But they soon discover that it isn't going to be easy.

My thoughts: I have been looking for this for years ever since it was released and I had almost forgotten it. Now that I've finally watched it... It was ok. The characters are great and the sets are amazing. The only thing that I didn't like about it was how long it was. At sixty five minuets, it felt too short. There were scenes that I felt could have been longer (like the original company Hamilton Mattress discovered that their company's name has been stolen and tries to sue Sludge and Feldwick) and some characters I would like to have seen get more character development. Also this shows just how the showbiz life could be. With the fact that it is mainly about looks and not talent for most of the time. But it is a good animated film and I would recommend it for any fan of animated films.

My score: Four stars.

Film Review: Animal Farm (live action version).

Release date: 3rd October 1999.

Story: The animals of Manor Farm revolt against their cruel owner and take over the farm as their own. But soon things begin to turn bad when the pig Napoleon takes over.

My thoughts: This live action version of George Orwell's book is a good movie. But it is not a family film (even though it is often listed as a family film and has some humour in it) The animals in this version are a mixture of real animals and animatronics (created by Jim Henson's Creature Shop) which are quite impressive but stand out from the living animals. The film also has a different ending as well. In this version, the animals managed to escape the farm and managed to live in hiding in the nearby woods. Only to return years later to find the farm in ruins and collapsing due to Napoleon tyrannical rule. This movie has a great cast including Kelsey Grammar, Patrick Stewart, Ian Holm, Pete Postlethwaite, and Peter Ustinov.

My score: Three stars.

Film Review: Animal Farm (cartoon version).

Release date: 29th December 1954 (New York City release). 7th of January 1955 (UK release).

Story: On a farm somewhere in England, the animals are living under the horrible treatment of the often drunk Farmer John. But one night, an old boar named Old Major tells the animals that he had a dream where all of the animals overthrow the humans and live in a society where all animals are equal and free (using the motto "Four legs good! Two legs bad!"). The next morning, Farmer John has forgotten to feed the animals. Out of desperation, they break open the feed store and help themselves. But Farmer John finds them and is even more in a temper when he confronts them. But the animals have had enough of his cruelty and managed to stand their ground and finally overthrow him. With John finally gone, the animals celebrate their victory over him and the taking over of the farm. But little do they realise that they will soon regret it as the pigs take over.

My thoughts: This was the very first feature length cartoon that was made in Britain. And this film is based on the book by George Orwell (which reflects the Russian revolution, the Soviet Union, and the Starlin era but with animals). For most of the film, the animals don't speak (only on some occasions). In fact the only characters to speak are the humans and the pigs (who were all done by a single voice actor). The rest of the dialogue is done by the narrator. The film's ending is different from the novel. In the book, the animals witness a party with the humans and the pigs. Where an argument starts and the other animals look from pig to human. And to their horror and shock, they can no longer tell the difference. In the film however, when the animals realise that the pigs are now worse than Farmer John, they band together and manage to overthrow the pigs. This ending was suggested by the C.I.A (who had funded the making of the film and uses it as anti-communist propaganda).

My score: Three stars.

Film Review: Chicken Run.

Release date: 23rd June 2000 (US release). 30th June 2000 (UK release).

Story: On a poultry farm in England, a chicken named Ginger is trying to escape with her fellow chickens due to poor conditions and cruel treatment. But her attempts keep getting thwarted and her fellow chickens are starting to loose faith in her. But then a American rooster (voiced by Mel Gibson) crash lands in the pen and (mistakenly think that he has the ability to fly) Ginger hopes that he is the answer to their prays. So she asks him to teach them how to fly. Meanwhile the owner and manager of the farm decides to turn their business from selling eggs to selling chicken pies.

My thoughts: This was the first ever film that Aardman animations has ever done (after they have done a lot of shorts, tv adverts, an music videos).  The voice acting is great and the animation is great as well. And there is even going to be a sequel goring to be released sometime in the future. There were a lot of things that were originally planed for the film but were dropped. For instance Ginger was going to have a little brother and he was going to be another comic relief. But he was later dropped and his dialog went to Babs instead.

My score: Four stars.

Anime Review: Dragonball Z. Battle of gods

Release date: March 30th 2013 (Japanese release). 2014 (worldwide release).

Story: This story takes place years after Goku defeated Kid Buu and life on Earth has returned to normal. Goku is off training with King Ki, Vegeta and Piccolo are their usual selves, Gohan and Videl are now married and are expecting their first child, Mr Hercule Satan is being held as the one who defeated Kid Buu, and Bulma is celebrating her 39th birthday. Yes things are back to normal. Until a god of destruction awakes from a million years slumber and visits Earth in search of a being he had dreamt about know only as a Super Sayin God.

My thoughts: This is a great anime film. It has a lot of laughs and action that would please any anime fan. Lord Beerus and his servant Whis are interesting characters (Beerus resembling a humanoid Egyptian cat who is a selfish and spoiled type of person who has the ability to destroy entire worlds). There is only one thing that I didn't like in the movie. When they summoned Shenlong in order to find out who this Sayin god is, Shenlong reviles that he is scared of Beerus. I felt that this was out of character for the immortal dragon and that it should have been the other way round (seeing that Shenlong as the power to take away Beerus's powers or even erase him from existence altogether). The final fight between Goku and Beerus is spectacular. And the lengths that Vegeta goes through in order to prevent Beerus from destroying everything (including a hilarious bingo dance) can get a chuckle out of some people. Like I said this is a great anime film and it is a must have for any Dragonball and anime fans.

My score: Four stars.

Film Review: SGT. Bilko

Release date: March 29th 1996.

Story: Steve Martin stars as  Ernest G. Bilko. A master sergeant in charge of the motor pool at Fort Baxter. He and his team mainly spend their time either gambling or renting out army veichles. But things start to get anxious when Bilko tries to keep the woman of his dreams, trying to hide his gambling sceams from being exposed, trying to help the fort with a secret weapon that they are developing, and trying to prevent an old enemy from getting him court martialled.

My thoughts: This was based off the Phil Silver's Show from the 1950's (which I've also seen). And I have to say that I really like this movie. Steve Martin does a good performance as Bilko, Dan Aykroyd is also great as Colonel John hall, and Phil Hartman is great as the villain Major Colin Thorn (who has an understandable reason for wanting to ruin Bilko's life). Most of the movie is from the point of view of a new recruit named Wally Holbrook (played amazingly by Daryl Mitchell). The movie didn't do well when it was first released but if you are a fan of the original Phil Silver's show then I would recommend this.

My score: Four stars.